Self-rejection

Let's be honest - we're not getting into the stylistic thicket because we have a good life.

It's pain that drives us there: uncertainty, rejection, confusion, lack of love. Social pressure, fashion, the subjective opinions of people important to us, the tactless comments of armchair experts online, "fake" people on social media, advertising photos, our own ideas of beauty built on a foundation of neuroses—all this mental garbage daily distances us from ourselves. We don't see ourselves, we don't hear ourselves. And this same garbage forces us to tirelessly sift through tons of information, trying to find that Holy Grail that will, BAM! make us beautiful in our own eyes. And...

...it doesn't work. At least not until we're ready to accept ourselves as we are. And this process is long and even painful. Unfortunately, not all of us are willing to endure this period, preferring to continue "digging," turning to stylists one after another, hoping for an answer that satisfies us. Given the relevance of this issue, I'd like to share my experience in breaking this vicious cycle.

The first problem that arises is to see clearly

Due to the factors described above, this can be extremely challenging, as our surroundings, our "crowns," and our fears pull us back into a zone of comfortable discomfort. What can help here?

1. Lots and lots of feedback from strangers. Interest groups, trainings, unknown people on social media. It's even better if they're also interested in the topic. Ask them to write their impressions of you—you'll be surprised how much information people can gather from images alone. For these purposes, photos and videos should convey reality, meaning minimal makeup, minimal filters, favorable angles, and anything else that creates a veil of virtual attractiveness.

2. Trusted stylists. People whose taste and vision you trust, whose language you understand, and whose approach to style resonates with you. Finding such people can take considerable time and investment, but the most important thing is that you have reason to trust their decision.

So, you've collected a ton of information about yourself—technical and artistic, subjective and objective. That's all well and good, but the next step, alas, is even more difficult than the first:

Accept it all

There are two common reactions of the sufferer to what has been collected: “But I already knew this, nothing new, I need to dig further” and “But I’m not like that inside, this is not me, I need to dig further.”

But there's only one solution: listen to yourself. Collect images that resonate with your soul. Look through your favorite movies. Listen to your favorite songs. Find photos where you like yourself, for no apparent reason. Remember what clothes made you feel most at home. And in what life situations did you truly feel like yourself, truly revealing yourself. 

Favorite countries. 

Favorite foods. Landscapes. Architecture. Interiors. Other people. Everything that inspired you as a child and inspires you now should be visualized in pictures (for example, from Pinterest) to create a complete picture. This is the longest and most difficult stage. A detailed analysis of where in your life you are, and where there is mental garbage and illusions, as well as subsequent attempts to combine all this with the discovered facts about yourself. On average, it lasts at least six months, so don't press or rush your already tired brain.

Total:

I don't want to spoil it, but you'll likely come to the conclusion that you already knew all the answers; you'd simply forgotten them, and this entire journey was a journey from yourself to yourself. Perhaps you've been yourself before, but something knocked you out of that harmony. Perhaps you wanted to appear to be someone else because, for some reason, you'd forgotten how to love yourself.

Either way, if you've embarked on this path, it means someone needs it. And if you weren't afraid to "rip off the band-aid," you'll be rewarded. At a minimum, by transferring knowledge from your subconscious to your conscious mind; at a maximum, by solving many psychological problems. It all depends on how hard you try.

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Peace between the outer and inner to each and everyone!

Thank you for your trust, and until next time!